Those Words from A Parent Which Helped Us as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

However the truth rapidly turned out to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… each outing. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are symptomatic of a larger inability to talk amongst men, who often internalise harmful notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and stays upright time and again."

"It's not a display of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - spending a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" relationship with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "bad actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They may briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling under pressure, tell a friend, your other half or a professional about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be exercising, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - eating well, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their experiences, the difficult parts, and also the joys, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their issues, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a exchange. I'm learning just as much as you are in this journey."